This
week at the MTC was a lot faster than last week... but also at the same
time... it was kind of slow! It's that crazy classic time warp that we
talk about all of the time! But I feel like the Lord is really
teaching me, and having patience with me as I try to learn! It's ALSO
true that missions kind of... expose your flaws! Because I'm even
learning about things I need to learn about. (Sorry... I can already
tell this email is going to make very little sense... but hopefully
y'all know me well enough that you can pick out what I'm trying to say,
and some of the feelings in my very full heart!)
First. Let's talk about the broadcast. What an
INCREDIBLE experience! Even though you didn't see me (apparently the
camera panned RIGHT next to us... but :) oh well!)! I don't even know
where to start... I really lucked out... Sister Ference and I had to
hang back and possibly not be in that massive choir because we weren't
in it from the start... and there were too many missionaries. But...
they ended up letting us all sing in the choir... and because we'd
waited back... we somehow ended up sitting like... 30 feet from the
Quorum of the Twelve apostles! When they walked in the room... it was
incredible! We were so close to the Apostles of Jesus Christ... like
the Apostles in the days of Christ... like Peter and James and John,
those Apostles KNOW the Savior. Wow. It was amazing. Also... singing
in the choir was... seriously... electrifying (these emails sound so
cheesy. But I don't know how to describe it a better way!) Standing
with 2000+ missionaries... and singing such powerful lyrics just sent
chills down my body. "Truth is restored again!" The whole broadcast
was kind of emotional for me :) as you can easily imagine... I just keep
getting hit by the same reality, "I am a missionary for Jesus Christ!" I
am a missionary right now! And I am so blessed to have such a
wonderful calling... specific points that stood out to me from that
broadcast... hmmmmm.... I was so overwhelmed during "I'll go where you
want me to go" because... the words are just so powerful! They have so
many of the feelings of my heart, and so much of what I'm coming to
understand as my purpose as a missionary... I couldn't handle not crying
anymore at the words "perhaps today, there are loving words which Jesus
would have me speak." And that really... just seems to sum up a lot of
what the Lord has taught me this week! Missionary work is SO much
about love!!! SO much. And I have the best calling in the WORLD.
Because I have the chance to go share Christ's love with others. To
really do what He would do if He were here... which... if you think
about what He did when He WAS here. He constantly said "Come Unto Me"
because He knows who we are... and He knows what Heavenly Father wants
for us! I realized that this work is just as joyous when someone gets
brought back to the gospel as when they find it for the first time! And
I just get totally overwhelmed when I REALLY really think about what
I'm doing out here! I'm bad at explaining it... sorry! But. I was
like... Awwww nuts. We should've invited people over for dinner! We
should've shared the gospel. Because the WHY of sharing the gospel is
SO clear when you really have things in perspective. There could be
nothing more important!
What else. MIRACLE of MIRACLES :) (I kind of just
thought that was a hilarious title :) buuuuut...) we are experiencing
miracles already. The gift of tongues is SO real. Sometimes I think
it's hard to see... because Heavenly Father has blessed us and still let
it feel kind of hard... but at the same time... Thai isn't very hard at
all (no conjugations = caveman talk = me like Thai!) It IS hard... and
we have so much to learn... but if you consider that we've been here
for 2 weeks and we've taught 7 lessons in that language... it's
incredible. Our last two lessons have been 15 minutes or more. And
we've never been allowed to take notes into those lessons. I know
Heavenly Father fills in the gaps in our communication. Like... we use
charades sometimes :P and we... just try to think of new ways to say
things... but... I bet he helps our investigators understand This is
one of those miracles that isn't a moment but a process... it's step by
step, line upon line, which is kinda scary! Because there IS the
possibility of forgetting that... without Heavenly Father I would still
only be able to say "March" and "I love you" and those few phrases.
Also. Things I'm learning about companionships.
They're kinda hard. Haha... man. I think I used to think I was good at
getting along with people. Which actually...I'm probably okay at it...
BUT. I also was going about things in the weird way of either taking
the lead, or letting someone else do what they feel. And it's kind of a
struggle to have now say... oh wait. That wasn't really communication.
That was conflict-avoidance! And so Sis. Ference and I are really
trying to communicate and work together, and we're trying to listen to
the spirit to know what to do... instead of trying to push things one
way or the other. This week we taught a lesson, and tried to kind of
"go off script" for it... and just had some words down... and a
semi-plan... and then we tried to just give our lesson. It was kind of
rough... we were both kind of pulling the lesson a different way and we
left feeling fairly frustrated (though afterward... our teacher told us
we were amazing and we taught with the spirit, and he wanted to cry
because it was good! Which was really surprising!) and had to talk
about our stubbornness... and all different sorts of things. Our next
lesson... (another first lesson with a new investigator) we really tried
to work on letting go of our own desires... and right before we went
in... as I said a prayer for us out loud... I asked Heavenly Father to
specifically help me get rid of my pride. Because... I dunno! I'm just
a hard hearted lady sometimes :) But... that lesson I feel like we were
really trying to communicate with him. We did our best to resolve his
questions and concerns. And... while I'm never really sure WHAT place
my heart is in. I hope that my desires all came from the fact that I
wanted him to know it was true! But I cried when I bore my testimony to
him... which is not evidence of a good lesson. Or anything... except
that... hopefully Heavenly Father was helping me really try to help
caycay (j-eye j-eye) our investigator. And he was helping us
communicate... and realize that Thai isn't the barrier!
Oh my... last paragraph probably :) We also had a
hilarious/awesome devotional yesterday with Sister Janice Kapp Perry and
her husband. She is adorable and kind of sassy. So needless to say I
LOVED her :) She shared with us thoughts on missionary work... and
music. And some stories from her life! (She told us the first line her
husband ever said to her... she was playing the clarinet and he said
"those lips look like they were made for better things than playing the
clarinet" and then. right in front of the whole MTC he walked up and
like dipped her and kissed her. They are AWESOME :) haha.) But... it
was so powerful to stand and sing again with so many missionaries. And I
also had the thought that music is absolutely given of God! It's a
form of worship. And it's one of those beautiful and lovely things that
we should seek after! Awesome Awesome Awesome. Especially because I
most likely will get to participate in music during my mission. Sister
Atkinson (Alyssa) is begging me to sing a musical number. And I'm
getting to accompany some.
Anywho. That's LONG. Hopefully you made it through
the other side. And hopefully I'm not getting too prideful! :) Feel
free to rebuke me. But I'm learning so much! And the Lord is pouring
out His blessings on us!
Seetee rag khuun mag mag mag. (I love you SO SO SO much!) The gospel is true!
Sister Croft
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