How Great Thou Art

Oh wow, oh wow!  Dearest family, do you realize that you will only receive 1 more email from me... and then.  I.  Will.  Be. In. Thailand.  Yeah.  That is absolutely insane!  I feel somewhat like I'm suffering from whiplash.  Like... the announcement in October happened... and suddenly I'm here... I've just spent a summer learning Thai... and now... as an inexperienced little child :)  I'm going to fly to another country to tell people that this is the true and restored gospel!  INSANE!  But perfect and exciting and wonderful.  I don't even know how to describe it to you!  We have 12 days left... and guess what?  Every day we have ONE LESS DAY TO GO!!! :)  I received an email from my mission president telling me to have such and such money on hand... and I just can't even imagine what is in store for me!  But.  I am THRILLED!!!!! :) AHHH.

Anyway.  This week was a good one.  Honestly... if I ever have difficult it's moments because... I'm SO imperfect.  And sometimes Satan knows how to make me nervous about that!  I get to the end of the day and wonder if I gave all I could!  Because I'm sure there were minutes that I could've spent better.  And I'm NOT thoroughly exhausted or frustrated! :)  Haha... maybe I'm just a crazy kid.  Nope.  I am 100% sure I am a crazy kid.  Buuuuuut.  I just hope I'm giving my all to the Lord.  I also have moments when the Lord confirms to me that He knows how to get rid of my weaknesses, which are many.  But.  I just have to try the best that I can!  :)  Haha.  That's the part that gets me.  Because it's impossible to have a perfect day. :)  It feels like how people must feel after a race... (yeah... I've never run one!) But... a race where you don't feel QUITE satisfied at the end of it :).  But also.  It is SO good.  Don't worry that I'm like... depressed or anything!  Haha... I just want to give my WHOLE HEART TO the Lord.  And I'm learning how to do that... and having a chance to ask the Lord for a lot of help and forgiveness along the way!

The blessings continue to come.  I honestly feel like... if I have one more blessing.  I'll just explode.  See... the illustration that I put in a letter and then took a picture of.  That's my cup... and honestly.  There is no more room in it.  There hasn't been for a long time.  And blessings are spilled all over the floor :)  It's a huge mess!! :) I can't even imagine what I could've done to be here on the earth, to be in the family that I'm in, to be going to the mission that I'm in.  Pluuuus.  A huge blessing from this week.  I for some reason have the nerve to ask for even more blessings!  I asked Heavenly Father if maybe we could go to the temple one more time!  And He gave us the assignment to go clean the temple.  Wow.  It was an awesome morning this morning.  The sisters in my district got to clean some of the chandeliers in the celestial room.  It was so beyond beautiful in there.  So beautiful.  And I may or may not have shed a few tears... because this gospel is so beautiful.  So eternal.  And so perfect.  Heavenly Father offers us even more blessings.  Even more than I have today.  He offers us eternal life!  And that is SO beautiful.  It was a little unfair too... because we got to clean in there (while the Elders scrubbed lockers... because they won't let the Elders touch the crystals... which P.S. I found out there are like... over 100 chandeliers in the Provo temple!) and then we got a tour of some parts of the temple.  We saw the beautiful brides room.  Some of the construction they're doing.  And we sat in the chapel.  It was beautiful and wonderful.  I can't even tell you!  Blesssssings galore.

Also.  Last night we had an awesome devotional.  And I was again reminded of the power of the Atonement.  It is the way through which we can return to Heavenly Father... in every way.  It enables to endure, it allows us to be forgiven.  It is so perfect.  And I hope more than anything that I'm letting it change me.  That I'm learning to rely on my Savior when my own weaknesses are too much!  Which is always :)  But.  I have GREAT faith that Heavenly Father will allow me to communicate with people even though I can't speak Thai.  I have faith that I'll be safe in a place that can be kind of dangerous.  I have faith that the Atonement is real.  And when I think about it... it just makes me want to burst into song sometimes! :)  Hehe... can you tell I love the hymns? "Then sings my soul, My Savior, God, to Thee.  How great Thou art.  How great Thou art!

Have an incredible week my dear khrab khrua (family)!  You are wonderful examples.  And I love each of you so so much!  :)
The other picture on here... is of a bunch of words in my notebook that all sound really similar.  Many lovely options for what I can accidentally mess up on in a lesson.  Can I please... rice.  Oh... I mean enter.  :)  Or the word beautiful.  Suay.  Or with a different tone.  Unfortunate.  Or with a different tone... an apparently very unfortunate word!  Ahhhh :) Fun with Thai!

Also.  Our investigators are still both progressing towards baptism! :)  Hooray :)  We're gonna try to get another investigator this week :)  Which is hard at the MTC.  But also in the field :) 

Anyway.

That's all :)

Gap khwaamrag mag mag mag, (with a LOT OF LOVE!)

Sister Croft

It was one Thairiffic week

Khrab Khrua (family!!!)  I love you so much!  And I love hearing about your fishing, running, dating, sewing and everything!  It is so wonderful!  You are the best family I've ever had!

 

Also.  I except my grammar/English skills to begin going downhill at this point.  (I'm in kind of a silly mood ;) so beware... this letter might be kinda silly!) My grammar isn't good in the first place... but hopefully my communication is!  Haha... Sister Ference and I have started accidentally speaking English with Thai grammar sometimes... Thai is like caveman speak!  It's very efficient and a lot of the words are made up of other words.  Soooo... if I start sounding weird, it's because I'm learning to speak Thai, and learning to speak English poorly!

 

This week has been a really good one!  Both of our investigators accepted a baptismal date! :)  Hooray!  I'm a little upset because I didn't like... leap out of my seat for joy when they said they would be baptized!  I'm so happy for them... but I'm also not as happy as I wish I was (I know!  I'm weird!)  But I just think... I can still do a better job of loving these two!  As I've mentioned before they are so awesome!  Phii Saamaad is so funny and so faithful and willing!  Caycay is quiet, and it's much harder to tell what his needs are... but he amazes me!  His parents are two different religions, and he is choosing to join an entirely different one!  Wowza!  We asked him if he'd be baptized in one lesson, in which he said he wasn't sure... and the next lesson we gave him a lot of homework :) and talked to him about using the scriptures to receive answers!  We had him read... Mosiah 3-5 (Man I love me some Mosiah!  King Benjamin's speech is amazing!  General Conference session from however many years ago :)) Helaman 5 (I love this too... what amazing symbolism.  I can't get enough of the literal LIGHT that Christ brings into our lives!) annnnnd also 3 Nephi 11!  And I wrote the word "thammay" on the top of his assignment :) to remind him that we wanted to ask himself why Jesus Christ is important in his life!  Sister Ference and I also read those scriptures in our personal study!  And I asked myself "why is the Savior important to me?"  It's incredible to consider that Jesus Christ, came down and died for me, literally.  He suffered for me.  He knows me.  I'm working on that relationship alllll of the time :) it can always be better!  But I'm so glad that I do have a relationship with my Savior! 

 

Ummmm.  Thai continues to come... sometimes I'm not sure how much better I'm getting!  But every day we work on it!  It's kind of unfair... sometimes I don't understand why I am so blessed!  Buuuut... I feel like it's unfair because... I can usually understand why my teachers or the investigators are saying (TRC is a little bit harder...)!  It's unfair because sometimes other people can't understand... and man would that be a frustrating thing!  But.  I also know... the frustration will come when I have no idea what is happening in Thailand :) but I'm planning on smiling.  And trying my best :)  I'm kind of excited for the confusion and the newness.  And I have no doubt that Heavenly Father will help my inadequacy.  Maybe he will help the investigators understand the craziness that is NOT Thai that is coming out of my mouth!  :)  Buuuuut.  He will help me and I trust in that completely!

 

Annnnd.  Just so you know.  My companion is so awesome!  Sister Ference and I (true to my setting-apart blessing) are becoming such good friends!  We have a lot of fun together, and our teaching and friendship improve all of the time!  Hooray!

 

Annnnd.  I'm trying to think of what else I can tell you!  This week our teacher taught me as an investigator, in front of the class passa Thai.  As the phuusoncay (investigator) I acted like someone I knew... and it was really awesome to be able to feel the spirit as an investigator, even though I was feeling skeptical about the Book of Mormon or other things.  I still felt the spirit and that was really cool!

 

Also.  This week was a little bit hard for me because I sometimes fall into this "thinking about Sister Croft trap" where I think about myself too much!  Not even necessarily my life at home or something... just me and what I can do better, or me and it's tricky to get out of that... because then I think about how I think about myself :)  Crazy kid!  :)  But.  Brother Burgess gave us an awesome and very inspired lesson about how we can give our hearts to the Savior.  I like what one of the sisters said.  We give our heart to the Savior because He gave all of His heart.  He gave everything!  And I am working on that.  It's gonna be such a process.  And I've been working on it since I was born basically :) But.  That process is ALSO possible through the Savior.  Wow the Atonement is all encompassing. 

 

Also.  I don't know what else to say... so this is all random!  There have been protestors around the MTC recently.  Don't imagine the torches and stuff yet... usually it's just a couple of people during our temple walk or a couple other times.  But they stand outside with their crosses and some of them yell scriptures, which... I feel like the spirit just flees when I start hearing them yell scriptures... and I get really confused... because they're trying to tell us about the Savior!  Some of them are quieter and nicer... but even so!  I always get confused by them...

 

And.  Also just another quick thought about how blessed we are.  The other day I just wanted to go to the temple SO badly!  :)  And I was thinking about it... and wishing that we could go!  Well... it turns out that the temple opens on the day we leave (Aug. 12th) and so... we think if our plane isn't until later in the day... we'll be able to go ONE MORE TIME.  That would literally be an answer to our prayers.  I asked Heavenly Father if maybe we could go one more time!  I told Him it was okay if we couldn't though :) but ALSO.  Next P-DAY we're going to get to go clean the temple for like 3 hours!  So either way... our prayers were answered.  I feel so blessed.  Honestly.  I don't think I even know the 1/4 of it.  Heavenly Father is blessing my blessings. 

 

Also.  I leave for Thailand in 19 days.  Yep.  I'm counting down.  And I was reminded in a devotional last night!  I can't wait to SHOUT WITH THE TRUMP of ANGELS! Why?  Because the gospel is TRRRRUE.  And people need to know it!  Hooray!!!! :)

 

Two more letters until you get a call from me in the airport!  That is insanity!

 

Sorry if I'm getting self-righteous!  I certainly hope not :) always feel free to rebuke me if I am! :) Hahaha.  Gap khwaamrag mag mag mag mag mag (oh... that reminds me... Thai is like an enormous #.  You know the kind?  I never did them.  But like... #Storyofmylife.  That's how you read thai.  It's all one strand of thai.  Hooray!)

 

MUCH LOVE,

Sister Croft

By This Shall Man Know You Are My Disciples!

Soooo.  This week has been a really good one!  I love the MTC!  :)  It's lots and lots of fun, and we receive so many blessings each day!  Sister Ference and I are becoming really good friends and during our companionship inventory I realized how far we've come as teachers and also as companions!  We're learning how to work together, and we're learning how to help each other and it's awesome!

Our investigators Phii Saamaad and caycay are still doing really well!  Phii saamaad continues to instruct himself and be absolutely golden :)  haha.  We asked him what he learned at church and he said he learned about... the Atonement (kaanchodchay), repentance (kaanklapcay -which means like a return of the heart), temples (phrawihaan) and covenants (pantaasaanyaa) haha... he learns everything and he loves the gospel!  Haha... and he thinks I'm kinda crazy (which is probably true!)  Because sometimes I teach in Thai like I would in English!  I told Phii Saamaad that Christ was jampen jangleeyi or... necessary and then that last word is an intensifier!  So I was saying... necessary EXTREMELY! :)Caycay is doing well too!  We had a good lesson where we discussed 2 Nephi 32, and we talked about receiving revelation and talked about baptism!  We're trying to help him resolve his concerns and help him see why he needs the gospel more!  I think the scriptures are important to him and he's starting to understand how he can use those :)

Um... fun Thai mess up for the week.  In a room prayer before bed I said "chuay phua khaa phraong (help us) russxg (feel).... then in trying to remember a word I blurted out "khanompan" which means bread.  No no no.  I meant peace which is "khwaamsanob"  haha... and of course then I said "You guys... I just asked us to feel bread..." Maybe it's not that funny to anyone else! 

Also.  Another kind of fun story!  This week I sang in sacrament meeting because it was our districts turn to do the musical number.  Haha... I had Elder Wilson on the piano (he was a cello major at BYU, really good friends with Maddie and Elder Larson!) and I had Sister Jackson on the violin and I was going to sing Savior Redeemer of My Soul!  haha... we only practiced it... 2 or so times.  And... that maybe wasn't the best choice!  I forgot that that song was really difficult to breath on... it has a lot of really long phrases.  So... somehow... the first page of that song ended up being absolutely awful.  I'm not being modest.  It was straight up awful.  I was like wheezing for breath (haha... who does that?  Just breathe awkwardly... don't run out of breath!)  But... it was... so awful!  It just made me smile though... luckily I have enough pride to spare :) so I wasn't embarrassed!  But... for the first few phrases... I'm pretty sure everyone must have been cringing... like when someone starts singing in church and they're tone deaf... and then you know the next 5 minutes are going to be kind of uncomfortable for everyone!  Haha... But... then after a couple phrases apparently I just decided to sing normally!  And it ended up on a good note!  Haha... I think Heavenly Father may have shut the ears of some of the people in that congregation because they all told me it was beautiful :) or He blessed them with kind hearts!  Or... He made them think I was getting emotional... apparently that's what it came off as :P  Haha.  It was funny though.  But also... it made me smile because... at the end there is a lyric that says something like "Chasten my soul, till I shall be in perfect harmony with Thee" and I thought it was kind of an interesting symbolism... of how our own efforts can start out weak and tone deaf, and out of breath... but by the end can turn out with the Lord's help! :)  I love that song!  It practically begins playing in my head when I realize how much I need the Savior, after a hard day, or whenever I'm frustrated with myself... I just know I need my Savior and My Redeemer.  I love it :)  I wish I could sing with the glory of an angel!  Music is awesome!

That reminds me... the title of this email!  We sang "As I Have Loved You" I dunno what it is with primary songs... but I love them all!  What beautiful words... "As I (the Savior!  I'm sure you all knew that :P but I didn't think of it!) have loved you, love one another... by this shall man know ye are my disciples... if ye have love, one to another!" Beautiful.  That's something I try to work on every single day!

Annnnd another good thing!  This week I had a coaching session with Brother Shipley... and basically my question for him was "how can I be a better missionary?  I wanna be better!" Generic and very Sister Croft-y I know :)  Buuuuut.  He had me turn to Ether 12:27... which I have read many a times.  The new insight he shared with me was that it was not my job to try to fix my weaknesses.  It's my job to 1) come unto Him 2) be humble 3) have faith.  (I think that's all anyway!) So I shouldn't be worrying about what I can do to be better... I should be loving and worrying about and praying for the investigators.  And THEN will Heavenly Father make my weaknesses strong.  I really love that :)  it's so hard not to worry about yourself :P  But... I'm learning!

I'm not sure what else to put in here... we've had a really great week!  And we only have 4 more!  That's 4 more emails from me before I am calling you from an airport... on my way to a land of snakes, elephants, and wonderful Thai people! :) Oh wow, oh wow! :) That's absolutely insane!  But the gospel is so good!  And we're learning... and we're so blessed.  Haha... I never thought I'd think I knew what I was doing when I left the MTC.  Like... people say you think you can speak your language... and then you get there :P I'm starting to see how I'd think that :P but.  Also.  I'm so not worried about the language at all!  Heavenly Father will help me :) and it'll come!!!  So it's okay :)  Ahhh.  I still have a lot to learn dear family!  Buuuut.  The gospel is so good :) Go to the temple for me :)  I'm still so jealous of you for being able to go!  :) The gospel is the best!!!

gap khwaamrag mag mag mag mag mag mag mag (with a loooooot of love!),

Sister Croft

Called to Know the Richness of His Blessings

So... this week has been a pretty good one.  There have again been moments where I've felt like... overwhelmed with the blessings we receive as missionaries.  And I'm amazed that we're even allowed to be called to know the richness of His blessings!  Wow oh wow!  :) There have also been some harder moments... for example.  One of our investigators, his name is caycay (sorry... I forget what I say in previous emails... so if you get repeats.  ooops!) he is 17 years old... and his family has a couple of different beliefs (A buddhist parent and an Islamic parent), he is pretty quiet so it's hard to get a read on what he knows, what he needs, and all of that!  Buuuut.  On Friday we taught him, and it was another kind of iffy lesson, where we left wondering if he'd learned, if he'd felt the spirit, and sometimes... I feel frustrated because I felt good planning the lesson, but then it didn' turn out to be what it seemed like he needed.  I dunno!  It's a process I think, I'm learning how to trust in the Lord, how to listen to revelation, how to be patient!  We taught him again yesterday morning, and it was the first time I felt like he was more engaged, and he wanted to learn more!  Hooray!  I hope the spirit has been present in all of our lessons, but hopefully it was in this one too!  Sister Ference and I sat down and really really tried to think out this lesson.  We ended up teaching him the plan of salvation, we made him draw himself on the board... and we explained how Heavenly Father sent us here... and we explained what He wants for us!  I love the Plan of Salvation!  It's the BEST! :)  It really really is!  I wish I could feel like... a firey testimony for that always burning in my heart!  It is there... but I just love it when I see it more clearly and it just burns there!  I love it!  Our other investigator Phii Saamaad, is doing pretty well too :)  Haha... he is... so nice.  Sometimes he seems like he already knows the gospel ;) and he's teaching it to himself!  But he is a wonderful investigator! 

Oh!  This week was the 4th of July too :) we had a devotional where we listened to a speaker, and then watched 17 miracles.  And then we watched the fireworks!  Haha... and then we were all tired the next day because they went past 10:30.  :)

I'm not sure what else has happened this week that's notable.  Soooo.  I just decided to share a couple of... maybe more trivial things.  That are kind of fun!

So.  Things I am learning about Thailand from our teachers.  They have weird weird animals there.  Snakes, you can find them in your house sometimes (I'm fairly sure I remember reading the promise in D&C 84 and being like... okay... snakes won't poison missionaries.  Hooray.  Who would ever need that?  Little did I know...), and monkeys, obviously elephants, and other fun things like that!  They have spiders that are much bigger than tennis balls.  And this is the funniest one... they have these large lizards called "Dook yahhs" that say "dook yah" it sounds like... an animal in like... a pokemon game or something.  But they are like... BIG BIG lizards.  Like... unless my imagination is getting away from me, I'm pretty sure they said they were like 2 feet long sometimes.  And they seem scary to me :)  but apparently they're just annoying.  Because they say that all night long!

We're learning to read script some more.  Sometimes it takes me like an hour to decipher a quote... and then I'm not even sure what it says.  But we sing hymns now in script.  Which means... we all kinda... sing a generic vowel to the tune of the hymn... and sometimes we can pick out the beginning consonant... or if it's a familiar sylabble like "phra" is something you add to things to make it holy... then we know that.  So it's like... Phra... eeee oooo ja eaaeae deee? eiiiii maaaa. Beautiful.

Oh.  Also.  We learned how to tell time in thai.  Oh my goodness :) it's so confusing.  There is a different word for like... midnight, early morning, late morning, noon, early afternoon, late afternoon, early evening (or something!) and then you say the words in a different order for each of those times.  So like... in the morning you say.  morning (hour) in the late morning you say like (hour) the word for hour, and then late morning.  And THEN.  In the late evening... you start subtracting the time... It's CRAZY.  :D  Hooray for Thailand! :)  I do love it though!

And one more funny thing.  In a lesson with caycay... I wanted to say "Christ can heal our hearts" and I accidentally said... Christ can weakness our hearts.  Haha... That time it was because I just plain used the wrong word.  They aren't even similar.  Weakness is kaan ccn (backwards c's that make an aww noise) 33 (backwards 3s make an ayhhh noise) and heal is song yiawyaa.  Silly silly Sister Croft.  Haha... but...I can't imagine how many funny things we say because we use the wrong tones... probably a million.  And I'm sure that is just the beginning.  But luckily Heavenly Father can work through the imperfect, and the spirit can testify and teach even when we make mistakes, or when we have a lot to work on!  Which I do :)  this end of the week was like... enlightening as to how much I do not do correctly.  Hoo boy.  My planning, my language study, my everything could use work!  And also my selflessness could use work.  I've always been fairly self-centered.  But it is such a stumbling block here!  I'm trying to so hard to move that block out of the way!!! :)  So hard.  After the weekend... I realized I probably didn't think about my phuusccncay (investigators) at all during the weekend.  I was still spiritually fed.  But it was all for me.  That was like... a sickening realization.  Oh boy do I have so far to go!!!  But hopefully I'll get better!!!

:)

The church is SO true.  It's true.  So it's worth it... and I'm so lucky to be here!  I love you guys a lot a lot a lot! :) Go to the temple all the time.  I wish I could!  :)  Read your scriptures... luckily I do get to do that!  And Heavenly Father is SO ready to teach us I'm learning... I just have to really search! 

Rag mag mag mag mag mag,

Sister Croft

Hey did I ever tell you... I'm going to Thailand?

I'm not even sure what to write about this week.  We've begun to fall into the regular schedule, and seriously it kinda feels like I just barely wrote to you!  This week we have been enriched by speakers, we've taught lessons to our investigators... and it's amazing how much we're able to communicate with them.  It's kinda funny... we've decided that being here at the MTC at least, but probably just being a missionary in general is like being in Tangled... "this is the BEST DAY EVER!!!!... I can't believe I did this.  I have to go back!)  Not that I'm thinking of going back at all :) because that would not be true at all.  Buuuuuut.  there are so many ups and downs, but the Lord sustains you through each and every day!  Our investigators are awesome.  In some ways they are opposites... one of them practically teaches himself, and one of them has greater needs and less understanding!  It's really interesting, and Sister Ference and I are trying with all that we've got to teach them!!  Of course... every day at the end of the day I realize there is so much I can do better... in how I use my time, in getting rid of my silly silly pride.  In so many things... but each day I'm grateful for the Atonement.  I can kneel down and talk to Heavenly Father, and He can help me with those things that I do that are less than great... and that I feel like I can't always improve on my own.  I'm SO grateful for the Atonement.  Haha... sometimes I just wish I could be a perfect vessel... that I could be a person without having to think about myself, without thinking about what anyone else thinks of me... without thinking about anything at all!  I'm working on it :) but I also realize that Heavenly Father needs me to be myself, and He knows how to work with imperfection!  Which is definitely good for me!  I dunno.  I'm not sure what to tell you about this week!  It was good... and every day I'm learning and trying to be a better missionary, and praying and working, and then I try again the next day!

 

This Sunday Sister Ference and I were called as Sister Training Leaders for our Zone!  Our Zone just got significantly smaller this week because our phii thais (older thais) LEFT US! :) They are in THAILAND now!!!  So Sister Ference and I are called to serve 2 companionships in the room next to us, and two sisters in our room!  Hopefully we can do it!  We don't have a lot of responsibilities exactly... but we do have to look out for each sister!  And I'm praying for more love than I've ever had before, because I want it all to come out of my heart!  Sometimes I feel like my heart is the most stubborn part of me :)  Buuuuuut.  Hopefully the girls know that we're sincerely trying to serve them!  Annnnd I'm sure we'll have to pray for courage if we ever have to correct anyone!  I know that should especially be done out of love too!!!  I don't know :)  Sorry family, sometimes I just don't have a lot to say!  Apparently this is one of those days!  But really really this week has been good!  I'm a third of the way done with my MTC time!  And I have so much more to learn :) but I'm also anxious to get to Thailand!  I had a moment this week where I was like... hang on... I'm going to Thailand on a mission.  It's craaaaazy to think that that's really really happening.  I'm really really giving up my schooling, my everything for the Lord right now, to go to another country and teach His children!  This is SO not something I ever exactly could imagine happening.  But I also know... that I am so BEYOND blessed to have this opportunity!  I'm scared of wasting it, and not realizing what's happening... and not giving my all!  Buuuuuut.  I'm trying.  And I'm trusting the Lord that this is what He would have me do!  Again the words of "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" come to mind, and I'm realizing that like... consecration and real trust in the Lord should come from the fact that we KNOW Him and we love Him, because there is no other way that we'd want to do that :)  I have to realize that what we teach our investigators is TRUE!  I know it's true :)  But... there is a Ph33n khong prapupencaw samrab Sister Croft l3 Jared, l3 Jonathan, and everyone!  (God's plan for Sister Croft... and for Jared and Jonathan and everyone!!!) :) And it's amazing.  I wish I had more to say :)  But the time has gone by fairly fast this week :) and I don't know what else to tell ya!

 

Seete rag khuun mag mag mag mag mag.  I love you a LOT (lot lot lot lot lot!)

 

The gospel is TRUE!!!

 

Sister Croft